Hello and Wow!

Some years ago I was invited to a meeting in Hong Kong with a group of young up and coming entrepreneurs.  I have a fond memory of an experience that happened soon after arriving at the venue. A young woman named Rebecca approached me and introduced herself, then looked at me intently and asked, “So, what’s top of mind for you today?”

At first I was a little taken aback. This was our first time to meet and it felt like an overly aggressive inquiry. But I quickly noticed two things about her posture toward me: authenticity and kindness. I don’t remember my specific answer, but I do remember feeling comfortable and cared for by her question. It’s become one of my favorite conversation starters of all time.  Here’s why:

1. Attitude and stance can make or break an initial encounter. Coming off as cocky or arrogant will erase the magic of the question. Rebecca’s eye contact and warm tone conveyed sincerity, making the question feel like a true invitation to know me rather than a formality.
2. It’s open-ended, yet focused. This approach invites a thoughtful, broad based response without putting someone on the spot, allowing the question to feel intentional and engaging rather than generic.
3. It remains centered on the present. The word "today" adds immediacy and relevance. Rebecca wasn’t looking for a rehearsed or general answer - she wanted to know about me at that moment.
4. It flips the script. Often in these settings, people lead with self-promotion or surface-level conversation. Rebecca’s question shifted the focus to me - making the interaction refreshing and unique.
5. It provides an opportunity for depth. This question can go deep or as shallow as you’re comfortable with. I could have talked about a work challenge, a personal insight, or even the weather if I wanted to keep it casual.

Leading with this question opens the door to what I believe all great conversations should be about - being seen, heard, and invited to share something meaningful. It turned a fleeting introduction into a moment of connection, leaving an imprint because it made me feel valued.  It’s a question worth carrying in your toolkit.

Here are some other questions I use as great conversation starters - some of these may not be the first question you ask out of the gate, but they are often effective in first meetings:

• What’s your favorite way to start the day?
• What’s something about your business that most people don’t know and would be surprised to hear?
• What kind of ripple effects do you hope to create with your giving?
• What’s the most unusual thing someone’s ever asked you in a meeting like this?
• I noticed [specific detail about them or their work]. How did that become a part of your life?

Here’s something I tell myself often when I’m given an opportunity to meet new people who might be great candidates to consider major gifts for a cause: Focus on connection over conversion. People give to people, not just causes. Building rapport before inviting them to consider anything is super important.

Starting a conversation isn’t about checking a box or impressing someone with your eloquence. It’s about creating a space where stories, values, and visions can spark something new. I would love to hear your favorite conversation starters! Send me a note and tell me your favorite story🕺

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If you haven't taken advantage of some of the resources I've created to help major gift fundraisers, take a look now!  Initial calls with me are free and "no strings attached".  Sometimes folks feel like they need to wait and not 'bother' me until they have a pressing issue.  No need for that...just make the call. 🕺

‍Here's where you can access a lot of content for free:

‍* Follow me on LinkedIn - You'll get short pro-tips and reflections on major gift fundraising every day between 5-7am pacific.

* Breakthru Newsletter - As you've seen here, these are longer weekly posts (audio and written) sent directly to your email.

* Breakthru Blog - the newsletter from the previous week gets posted here each week for everyone (so email subscribers get it a week early).

* Breakthru Podcast - Interviews with high net worth givers about how we as fundraisers can get better at inviting them to the party.  And audio readings of Breakthru Blog posts.

‍Before getting to the PAID stuff: My opinion is that no small ministry with a tight budget should be spending more than $3-5k (total) for major gift coaching/consulting.  Most of you will be good-to-go spending far less than that.  This was a major issue for me when I was a frontline fundraiser - major gift consultants were an expensive 'black-box-of-confusion' for me.  That stops now.

‍Here's the PAID stuff:

‍* Online Catalyst Course - This is a full brain dump of my 28+ years of experience - good, bad, ugly.  It's built around the fundamentals, the sacredness, and the fun, of major gift fundraising.  It's infused with Henri Nouwen reflections.  Many people can take this course and they will be 'cooking-with-gas' and not need any additional coaching from me on the core systems.  I'm grateful that this course has gotten *great* reviews.

* Live coaching with me - I refer to this as "brain rental".  The ROI on live coaching, as you might imagine, is extraordinary.

Finally, be sure to connect with my colleague Ivana Salloum.  She's super awesome and can help with scheduling and access to resources, etc.

I look forward to hearing about your good work!

Blessings,