No ask. No update. No "thank you" for their giving.

An idea struck while driving to the restaurant to meet with some active major donors.  I was serving at a seminary at the time, in the mid 2000s, and I was looking forward to giving them an update on our ministry.  Instead I decided to scrap my plan and spend our time together talking about their story.

I reflected as I drove.  My relationship with Don and Lacie had grown since our first meeting over two years earlier.  As a result, there were some things I knew about them and their three young boys ages six to ten:  

• They are approaching their 15 year wedding anniversary
• Lacie is 3rd generation of an ultra high net worth family
• Don is a 1st generation entrepreneur (successful in his own right)  from a middle class family
• Together they had a shared passion and vision for a spiritual retreat center
• There had been heartaches in Lacie’s family relationships
• Both feel pressure to be present and remain loyal to the causes Lacie’s family supports.  There are stadiums, art galleries, and museums.  Some spaces were named in honor of the family.
• They are ambivalent about the transfer of wealth from Lacie’s family.  No one has told them what to expect.

As we sat down to chips and salsa at their favorite Mexican food restaurant, I said something like this, “Don and Lacie, I would love to just spend time sharing together some of the stories happening in your lives.  It has been a privilege to come alongside parts of your journey over the past few years.”  We then recounted much of what occurred over the past 18 to 24 months.  It felt like we were going through a scrapbook together.  We smiled, laughed out loud, cried a bit, and pondered some heartache that was unresolved.  What a sacred time.  All three of us, in our own way, were moved by the experience.  That was enough.  No ask.  No update on the ministry.  No “thank you” for their giving.  It was all about them and their story.

I walked away from that meeting wondering, “What just happened?”  

Upon reflection, here is what I believe transpired:

👀 Awareness - I chose to enter our time together with awareness.  What had I seen happening in their lives, their family, their community?

🙂 Curiosity - Whenever appropriate, I would be curious about things happening in their lives, wondering and learning about what it might be like to live life in their shoes.

💖 Kindness -  Together we named good (and hard) things happening in their lives, and prayed together.  Words of blessing were exchanged.  Sometimes a gentle challenge or question would lead to fresh ideas.

Here's the deal:  when you really care about people, you can unlock some serious superpowers in the context of inviting them to heal the world with their generosity.  You may be one of the few people who takes time to notice what is happening in and around their lives.  Be aware, curious, and kind.  They just might be ready for you to observe with them what you’re seeing.

This is one of the three sacred practices I encourage you to consider in major donor fundraising:

• Prayer and meditation
• The invitation to give
• The stories of your donors

Appreciate you all and see you next week!

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‍I look forward to hearing about your good work.

Blessings,